The Toast Session

oh sweet bippy

2006-12-11T01:19:00.000-08:00

for fucks sake, nur nur nur, shouldv gone to see underseige and had a pie. after having a complete and total 3 hors sleep last night, preceeded by 4 the night before, and about 2 the night before that, i got up this morning to the freezing cold to sit in traffic to come to uni which is deserted. joy. but, why the lack of sleep i hear you cry. (well probably not, since no-one reads this bloody thing, probably more like, shut the fuck up whining you insomniac basterd. but if you thing my whining is bad read rics blog.) well ill tell you. my bloody job gets me up at 5 in the morning. i may have mentioned this before, its something of a sticking point with me, id get a new one, but with rent cheques and christmas i cant afford to go onto a starting wage right now. anyway after a 18 hour weekend in a kitchen, screaming at the incompetent people, i got to go home. well technically thats a lie, i got to go to meadowhall and walk round till it closed with my brother untill it closed looking for a birthday present for my father. did we find anything. did we buggery. so all in all a pretty shit weekend. oh yeah, and i burnt my arm quite badly. well, i say i did it. some spavie walked into me with a burning hot spatula that had been left on the grill. moronic imbacile. wasnt all bad, my pigeon came ova last night. admitadly to use the computor till almost 3 in the morning. but afta that was fun

well now...

2006-12-07T06:55:00.000-08:00

right, im here im bored. to be honest isnt that why were all here, and not just on blogger. the latest on the guitar situation, i have no guitar, in fact iv not even seen any of the people who are suposed to be replacing it since the last blog.

anyway. i think its about time i left something tea related. since no1 has left me any of there favorite teas i shal have to leave another of mine.

that first cup you have, hopefully waiting for you, when you get home from a long day of incompetent people and undue responsability in a place where despit the number of people working there, you wind up doing the work of three.

so, whats your favorite cup?

ooooh bad

2006-11-24T02:45:00.000-08:00

i drank rather heavily last night, trhen followed that up with a long walk in the cold to get chips and cheeze and then followed that with the long walk home in the rain. its not the same getting chips and cheese without my pigeon. somehow she makes the simplest things fun. but i was with the rocsoc people, who are all tremendous geeks, and thats coming from someone who has everything terry pratchet has ever written. strange folk

just one more thing....

2006-11-17T06:26:00.000-08:00

my lovely, lovely guitar (a cherry red gibson sg, that i had customised myself) has been stolen. fucking theiving studenty types. i worked bloody hard for that guiter, i bled for that giutar and now its gone. and its not even my fault, SOMEONE LEFT THE DOOR OPEN!!!! so i cant even get anything on the insurance. fucker. on the plus side my pigeon has shown me the first installment of ross nobles new dvd. expect lots of me quoting "20 years ago that dog was fuckin dying." and for aparently no reason screaming, "fucking bono!!"

at last

2006-11-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

well, after nearly 3 full days staring at a computor, 2months reading and what seems like endless time making notes iv finnaly finished my dissertation. and what gets me the most, i was just in the library and i found a NEW BOOK all about what iv been harping on about for 23 pages!!! where was this book when i could have used it!!! ah well, its over now. it doesent have to be good, it just has to be done.

let us begin...

2006-11-13T05:05:00.000-08:00

in honour of the lil bro joe (not my lil bro joe, the lil bro joe of someone we all kno!) here are some random questions that have allways puzzled me.

who looked at a sheep and thought, i know, ill shave that, cut it up, cook it and eat it?

what lazy bastard looked down at his cup and thought if only there was a long tube for me to drink this with?

who looked at a cow and said, ill drink what comes out of there?

who listened to the pitch for riverdance and went "i like it! lets give him money!"

why is there only 1 word for thesaurus?

who decided to spell phonetically like that? and lisp?

how desperate was the person who discovered that artichokes were edible?

bloody, bloody spaming fuckers

2006-10-20T06:03:00.000-07:00

right then all you spamming bastards. as you may now notice iv put up word verification. this is because on my previous post there were no less than 4 spam comments. i thought i had friends. fool that i was.

its about time

2006-10-19T09:45:00.000-07:00

well since the title of this blog involves tea, i thought it was about time i said something about it. i had a really awfull cup of tea today. you know the kind that sticks to your throaght and makes your mouth feel carpeted. it was stupidly bitter and no matter how much milk or shugar i put in it was still bitter. it was a god awfull cuppa. not like the kind you get first thing on a sunday morning that are amazing, or the one you hav when you come in from a rainy day drenched. it got me thinking about what my favorite cup of tea is. now i know its dull but mine is the one you have with your lunch. but i has to be perfect, so here it goes...

theres a little bakery in the village near my mums, they do the best breadcakes ever, so a sandwith with those, fresh cooked ham, butter and cucumber. with this you have your cup of tea.

it must be PG and it MUST have 2 shugars. darren will agree!

then comes dessert.

now this you can vary. i usuall hev either a vanilla slice or 2 small lemon curd tarts. but it can be swapped for anything really but, YOU WILL NEED ANOTHER CUP OF TEA!!!

now, whats your favorite?

ah ha ha ha ha

2006-10-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

oh the fun

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
hmmm, probably kira knightly. she has to be one of the most annoying people iv ever even heard of
2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
britny bloody spears or fucking tuuli
3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
david copperfield for being a cocky son of a bitch
4. What is your favourite cheese? baby bell. exept it keeps rolling away from me.
5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make? bacon, sausage, and ketchup.on slightly toasted bread
6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
oooooooooh. denise richards.
7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?
brody, or possably the bassist from kittie.
8.Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred pounds on the path. Holy crap, a hundred quid! How are you gonna spend it?
er, effects pedals, or a sniny new amp.
9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
scotland.
10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover a hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
probably buy food and some scotland present for amanda.
11. A demon rises out of Hell and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?a magical alcohol that tastes exactly how i want it when i drink it.
12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
id go back to when bill gates was just starting up and but stock in microsoft when it was dirt cheep
13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your ownsociety. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
the day is not allowed to start until 12. and wed operate on the barter system
14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?
it would have to be something like a cross between the noles house party and morcombe and wise and kerrang. id call it the really wierd half hour show.
15. What is your favorite curse word?
used to be ass burgers for no real reason. now its you shiny poof of a fucker.
16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
id use them to hang clothes on if there not really moving.
17. Your house is on fire! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?
everything amanda bought me. and if i can, my guitar.
18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
leg it from the angel of death.
19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?
er, the ability to become anyone from reality or fiction, giving me the power to change shape, but also the atributes of whoeva i become. ha
20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
the first time i kissed her elfiness
21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
ooooh, there are so many. probably starting work at mcdonalds.
22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool stuff… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now?
hmmm, id have to say scotland again.
23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
corp.
24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out… I can FLOAT!”?
id float to mandinio`s and knock at her window, it would probably scare the crap out of her. id laugh.
25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
sinatra
26. The Gates of Hell have opened, and Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
rachel
27. What’s your theme song? closer. or possably freak by silverchair

the band is forming!

2006-09-24T09:38:00.000-07:00

for those of you out there who i havent randomly acosted in the street, im now in a band. i play guitar. and i think were doing quite well. why do i think this. last time we met i dragged all the equipment downstairs and set up in the living room, the rest of the band came round and we started up, the next thing i know im being gestured at by the drummer. slowly i turn and stood behind me at the window is a mad grinning studenty type.we finish the song all of us smiling like bafoons and we turn to the random fellow and he shouts through the window "great stuff" and then walks off. so we were all very proud, but profesionals that we are (ha) we carried on practising, not 10 mins later i turn to the window to see a gang of tenagers had gathered and were actually sat on crates across the road listening. bloody hell. we could have sold tickets! think i may for the next rehersal/gig

filth, pure filth. sort of.

2006-09-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

Domain Names -
they didn't think their domain names through. Some of them are prime candidates for the 'What was I thinking?' award! ALL of these web sites actually exist; selling something totally benign.

1. A site called Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity.
Their domain name is: http://www.whorepresents.com/ <http://www.whorepresents.com/>

2. Experts Exchange', a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at: http://www.expertsexchange.com/ <http://www.expertsexchange.com/>

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island'. http://www.penisland.net/ <http://www.penisland.net/>

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder' at: http://www.therapistfinder.com/ <http://www.therapistfinder.com/>

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator' company: http://www.powergenitalia.com <http://www.powergenitalia.com/>

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery', based in New South Wales: http://www.molestationnursery.com <http://www.molestationnursery.com/>

the weather is out to get me

2006-09-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

today, as im sur you all know, is art in the garden. an anual outside event where artists put on there work in the botanical gardens. i happen to be an artist and while i did not enter i did want to go. now its been nice and sunny all day, WHILE I WAS AT WORK! and the moment i step outside wooomph! pissing it down. not just a light drizzle, but a rainstorm of biblical proportions. great.

an exelent start

2006-09-02T10:34:00.000-07:00

does it happen to everyone or is it just me, when the worst time for something to happen is exactly when it does. i walk into work and its a tip, i work in a kitchen so thats not good. obviously its my responsability to fix everyones problems that morning. its a tip because the people on are to inexperienced and shouldent be there, but they are because the aparently experienced and reliable staff have hangovers and havent turned up. so first i have to get the place in some decent state of repair, then i have to educate these people as to what they are supposed to do. its not there fault so i cant have a go, they were thrust into this situation. its not what you want when you drag yourself into work on a saturday morning to cries of "help they cant cope."

but wait theres more.

i hear the words, just as things are begining to pull themselves together, "weve got a visit."

bollocks

not only has the day started shit, its gouing to get worse because im left running the bloody kitchen when health and saftey are on there way. my manager looks like they are about to have an anurism because theres only him around to deal with the front and customers iv spent 20 mins in store and im allready regretting it and on the way is health and safety, the area manager, the regonal manager and an entorage of about half a dozen.

and iv had almost no sleep.

i run myself ragged all bloody day so that things are perfect for when they arrive. half way through the shift im about to explode from frustration and tiredness, my head is bounding my feet are killing me and the manager on the front has a vein in his forhead threatening to go of like mt.st. helens. the phone rings.

theyve gone somwhere else.

i breathe a sigh of relieif, i can breathe, there is a weight lifted from my shoulders.

i turn to look at the board with breaks ant shifts on and i see a stranger. holding her uniform.

no, it couldent be. not now.

a new starter. first bloody shift on a saturday lunchtime. understaffed and overworked as it is and they do this to us. then i hear those words that make my heart break. "are you adam, iv got to find him, hes training me."

i want to cry. but i cant muster the enthusiasm.

i hope and pray that this girl has some sort of mental capacity but as the day goes on i discover that she has the inteligence of a stunned herring and the atention span of a butterfly with atention defecit. whats worse is all the male staff are drooling over her wishing they were training her when the only effect she has on me is to triple my bloodpresure and make me invent whole new ways of hating someone. now i hope im a nice guy and im going to put this all down to a bad day, but i swear if i hear that mindless giggle again im going to stuff her into the fridge. i mean come on, after four hours would you not have mastered putting 4 nuggets in a bag marked 4 nuggets? i mean really. whats wrong with these people.

the toast man cometh

2006-08-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

THIS is the new lil dude to whom all the posts will be in tribute.

(thats him<-------) this picture was kindly donated by mandinio(and trev) his name is Warren Burton (warbertons). now, on with the post.

item the first. in regards to the first comment. i realise i dont do spelling and punctuation. but i (superior as i am) am unconcerned by such trifling matters. (im amazed at the fact i managed to keep a straight face typing that)

item the seccond. Darren and beki came home today. i should probably explane who they are. darren is my oldest friend, who is brilliant. beki is his girlfriend who i am living with. i know how that sounds but its not all that wierd. well they came back today after going to a christian rock festival (not my kind of music but to each there own.) and imidiatly darren uttered the words "christ i could use a cup of tea." so we did.

Mandinio, my girlfriend, is on the drumkit i bought the other week. shes actually pretty good to say shes had a complete and sum total of 3 hours practice and no formal tuition. aparently my tuition is crap, but then iv been on a real kit probably twice.

the first blog ever!!!

2006-08-09T04:19:00.000-07:00

So, what shall i say for the first post? its hard getting this thing started, theres so much i feel the need to say. Who i am, what im doing, what i believe in, i could go on. but instead ill have to say, as tribute to the title of the blog..... this morning i got up and had a piece of toast, lightly golden brown with a genorous helping of butter. Tea followed(2 sugars! live the dream!), then i brushed my teeth and came on the net. Oh the lives we lead. I need to get out more.